Pumping

We are getting seriously close to the time in which I get to start weaning from the pump and amazingly the only thing I can think of is "why am I doing that again?" and "will there be enough milk to get her to a year?" Crazy right? I mean all I have done for the last 8 months is complain about how much I hate pumping - it takes up too much time (3 hours a day), it means that I don't get to sleep (because I still get up to pump at 5am every morning) and that it's the last thing I think about at night and the first thing I think about in the morning. It is the center of my universe (well, second to Mariko anyway). My day revolves around it - when will Mariko sleep so I can pump? and trying to fit it in when we have other things to do. I have pumped more hours than I care to think about and pumped who knows how many ounces (I have it written though starting from the end of February so I'm really only missing the first month and I can probably guess based on what she was eating because at that point, honestly, I was just barely making enough to feed her).

So this weekend I will go down from 5 pumps to 4. Doesn't seem like a big thing but over the last few days Mariko has been eating like a champ and it makes me think that maybe I won't be able to get her to a year. Yes, plenty of kids do just fine on formula (Jason, Jeffrey and I!) but I feel like since that was my goal, I want to make it. I'll spend a week at 4, a week at 3 a week at 2 a week at 1 and then hopefully be done. I've read about others doing it and they say from 2 to 1 is the hardest and then at the end you might have to pump a couple of times (every 2 to 3 days or so) until you no longer feel like you need to. So. I will be done when she turns 9 months old, or there abouts.

When we go to Medford I will bring the pump (since this will be just after I get done with my week at 1) however I am hoping that I will be able to make it the whole trip without pumping. We shall see.

It's weird how I thought this was going to be so easy. I hate spending all this time with the pump, but it really is more difficult than I thought it would be. Reading what other people wrote about trying to wean and then not seemed crazy to me but now that I'm getting closer to doing it, I get it. Not making it to a year makes me seem like a failure even though I never planned to make it that far. I planned to make it to 6 months and I have gone way beyond that. I have done the best I can for Mariko and I will get her darn close to a year. I look forward to spending time with her and enjoying her nap time (and maybe being able to be productive and play some clarinet or something?) instead of running to the pump every time she goes down for a nap.